Men for Dummies

Why do men enjoy farting? What's the "no talking" rule? Why don't men ask for directions? Why don't men discuss their feelings?? These are questions that have been around since man first stood up straight, passed gas, and walked, upright, into history. So now, I shall attempt to answer what historians and scholars agree are useless questions...be prepared to vomit, what you read her may upset you.
--Farting--Ladies, I can assure you that, if you and your boyfriend/husband read this blog together, he just laughed at the sight of the word "farting". I am giggling like a school girl right now, and I typed it. Men enjoy farting. In fact, there is a good chance that a man reading this is thinking about one of two things...
A.) He is thinking about an epic fart he was either responsible for or witnessed. who smelt it and who dealt it. The timbre and pitch. The smell (SBD versus the boomer).
B.) He is thinking,"could I fart right now?" (the answer is always yes). Farting is to men what freedom is to America. Enough said.
--The no talking rule. Now, there are some variations...The general gist is this...If a man is using the bathroom, do not talk to him. The only exception is if it is an emergency, i.e fire, tornado, sale on pork rinds. But NEVER make eye contact. This is especially true if the man is dropping a deuce (technical term). BTW, little known fact: The duel between Hamilton and Burr was not about an insult, but rather, Hamilton would not shot up while Burr was on the pot.
--Men never ask for directions. Now, this is not true. Men ask for directions all the time...from other men. Women are very visual when it comes to directions. And, more often than not, when receiving instructions from a gal, I will hear this line. "If you see a _____, then you've gone too far." Why not tell me what I will see when it's time to turn? Or, better yet, how about the name of the road?
Also, men like maps. I don't know a single guy without an atlas. It may be the encyclopedia Britannica, but damn it, there's a map of something in there.
--Finally...feelings. Contrary to popular belief, men have feelings. They are tired, hunger, thirst, and thank God football didn't get cancelled. We do talk about these feelings quite a bit.
"How are you, Frank?" "Hungry"
"What are you doing tonite, Larry?" "Watching the game...thank God football didn't get cancelled"
Well, I hope this answers some of your questions. Feel free to post more questions in the comments section, and I will try my best to answer them.
Don't you look at me!!!