Human beings are monsters. We are horrible, ravenous creatures who love to showcase our thirst for gore.
From the Roman coliseum to the UFC, we love violence. But more than our love of violence, We love to showcase our acts of depravity.
Case in point: Halloween.
If aliens ever visited the Earth, and the aliens happened to be, oh I don't know, pumpkin-heads, let's just pray they don't visit in October! Why?
First, we march out to the pumpkins homes, the pumpkin patch, and cut them from their life line, laughing and encouraging our children in this act of insanity! On occasion, we go to the local big box store where they sell pumpkin corpses and other dead plant life at wholesale prices.
Then, we take the defenseless orange gourds back to our homes where we display their lifeless bodies for all to see.
Pretty horrible, right? Surely, displaying your kill for the world to see would be enough. But NO! We keep it real!
We take them inside, where we laugh and tell our children to draw faces on them.
The poor apples, dead and floating in a tub of water and their own juice, can only watch in horror as they are drawn from the bucket by the mouths of those who would eat them.
After we have mocked the defenseless pumpkins by drawing faces on their carcasses, the real s#!t begins!
We stab them and cut a hole in the top of their heads. Then, we slowly scoop and rip out their guts, separating the seeds and the pulp. Then, we carve their faces, sometimes with an evil veneer, and sometimes a cute kitty cat. Either way, these pumpkins have lost their dignity.
Now, I know what you are saying. Surely, the macabre sideshow is over. No my friend.
Now, we set the pumpkins carved and empty body out on our porches for the world to see, as if to say,"LOOK AT MY KILL".
Finally, we light their heads on fire and allow them to rot, slowly until November 1, when we smash them and discard their noble remains into a trash bin.
I only hope the aliens are turkeys, because then...oh..wait...never mind.
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