When the cat's away...

This weekend, I had the opportunity to display my skills and patience as a father. My wife, out of town for a conference, was gone from Friday night till Sunday night. I learned a few things this weekend which, for the benefit of all Man-kind, I will now share.
--Making Chicken noodle soup, from scratch, is indeed manly, provided you are doing it for your kids. Doing it alone jeopardizes your man card privileges.
--Dad will ALWAYS win a farting contest.
--Hearing the word "DAD" a thousand times is music to the ears, provided that your definition of music is a jackhammer on your spine.
--Orange pop is just as good as orange juice in the morning. (don't tell my wife)
--Arm pit farts provide hours of quality entertainment as well as a good educational base for the aspiring artist.
--My dog poops...a lot
--There is no limit to the celebration when your son pees in the toilet voluntarily.
--Having my wife gone for the weekend led me to make a brilliant observation...did you know most football games last longer than a half hour?
--You don't have to talk about your feelings. You can just grunt and your kids will understand you.
--You have to force the boy to wear underwear. I did not realize that this was such a struggle.
--No matter how many game tickets you buy at the fun fair, the kids will make a beeline straight to the FREE jungle gym.
--Feet should NOT smell like corn chips.
--Dogs love peanut butter.
--4 guys + beer + board games = video proof why I will never become president.

A good time was had by all!