Tradition

I recently read a story online about the Boston Red Sox' new stadium, The JetBlue Park, sponsored by JetBlue. It got me thinking about the old days (I know, I sound old) when stadiums weren’t named for businesses or corporations. They had cool names, like “Yankee Stadium” or “Soldier Field” or “Fenway Park”. I guess I don’t mind these stadiums being renamed, but here are a few companies and products that I just cannot stand to have a stadium named for. We, as Americans, must draw a line in the sand against such things, like:

• Ex-Lax. Now, I know what you’re saying. "Ed, when I get done eating the food at a ball stadium, I normally get stopped up. What would be wrong with having Ex-Lax sponsor a stadium?" Easy…Just imagine if Fenway Park became Ex-Lax park, and the Big Green wall became the Big Brown Barricade. I rest my case.
  


• Depends Undergarments. I am on the fence about this one. I am not sure whether or not I would support this as the name of the field, I guess it just…
  


• Trojan Condoms. I do not, repeat, DO NOT want to go to a ball game and hear the “TROJAN MAN” jingle 1000 times. I would get really annoying.
  


• Ty-D-Bol toilet bowl cleaner. Why not? I do not want to attend the Superbowl at the Ty-D-Bol.
  


• Uncle Jemima’s Mash Liquor. Ok, I got that from Saturday Night Live, but you gotta admit it’s funny.
  


• Always feminine hygiene pads. I am not against feminine hygiene pads or feminine hygiene, for that matter. But, football is a VIOLENT sport. And, let’s face it, the main audience is men. Just imagine a group of guys talking about their plans for the fall.
  
  Guy #1: I can’t wait for opening day!
  Guy #2: I KNOW! I heard the new “Always Maxi Pad Field” is amazing. Did you know it holds more people than ever before? They did a side by side comparison to a similar field.
  Guy #1: It also has a dome, so you know we’ll stay nice and dry.
  
  

That’s all I can come up with without talking about tampons and toilet paper. What product would you not want your favorite sports stadium named after?