The Man Club

When you are a father to 5 girls and a husband, there are certain concessions you have to make. You know that you are going to have to sit through a ballet. you know that, at least once a year, you have to watch Steel Magnolias. And, you know, you have to pocket your Man Club Card.
Now, there is no physical card. Your membership is displayed every time you watch a football game or MMA match. You show your club spirit every time you have gas and brag about it. And, everyone knows you are a member when you have a hard-boiled egg eating contest.
That being said, marriage and fatherhood force those of us in the Man Club to be more secretive about it. In fact, there are some circles, mainly those consisting of happily married couples, where having gas is NOT something to brag about. Seriously.
I knew I was in trouble of hiding my Man Card the first time I painted my daughters toenails. Somewhere, Conan the Barbarian was laughing at me. Yes, living with women effectively makes you ashamed to be a man.
Don’t believe me? All you husbands out there, let me ask you this. When was the last time you used a shower gel with pomegranate or peaches? When was the last time you smelled like a fruit basket after you showered? Think about how many times you have to use a lady’s razor to shave. OK, I have to admit, my face felt PHENOMENAL after shaving with my wife’s ultra fancy lady hair removal tool. And, no, it’s not a razor, it’s a hair removal tool. *sigh*
Today, when I showered, I was reminded of my place in a female dominated household. It wasn’t until I stepped into the shower that I realized I was going to smell like a girl. I grabbed my shower tool (for you ladies, a shower poof…we have fancy terms, too.) and lathered that bad boy up with cherry pomegranate shower gel. Instantly, I became hungry. I realized almost immediately what a paradox there is between a card carrying member of the Man club and our wives. While both men and women like to use food scented things in our lives, the scents we use are different. Candles, shower gel, carpet sprinkles (carpet deodorizer…I know I said it, don’t judge me). All of these things can typically be scented like food, but by women. In a women's world, everything is flowers and fruit, cookies and creme.
If men’s stuff smelled like food, it wouldn’t be fruity or dessert themed. We would have bacon scented shower gel. BBQ carpet powder. Rib eye cologne. Buffalo chicken shoe inserts. Yes, all of our things would be meat themed.
Now, before I get the nasty PETA comments, let me say this. If you are a vegetarian, 1st…check yourself. Animals are delicious. 2nd…Use the ladies stuff, as it is all fruit themed. If you are some sort of weirdo who believes in plants rights...yeah, i don't know what to do for you.
So, in summation, let me just say that, although, men and women are, at the most basic level, different, we still have to live with each other. And, I love my girls, so I will gladly pocket my Man club card...just let me watch GSP first. (Only the Men get that...)