Tradition

I recently read a story online about the Boston Red Sox' new stadium, The JetBlue Park, sponsored by JetBlue. It got me thinking about the old days (I know, I sound old) when stadiums weren’t named for businesses or corporations. They had cool names, like “Yankee Stadium” or “Soldier Field” or “Fenway Park”. I guess I don’t mind these stadiums being renamed, but here are a few companies and products that I just cannot stand to have a stadium named for. We, as Americans, must draw a line in the sand against such things, like:

• Ex-Lax. Now, I know what you’re saying. "Ed, when I get done eating the food at a ball stadium, I normally get stopped up. What would be wrong with having Ex-Lax sponsor a stadium?" Easy…Just imagine if Fenway Park became Ex-Lax park, and the Big Green wall became the Big Brown Barricade. I rest my case.
  


• Depends Undergarments. I am on the fence about this one. I am not sure whether or not I would support this as the name of the field, I guess it just…
  


• Trojan Condoms. I do not, repeat, DO NOT want to go to a ball game and hear the “TROJAN MAN” jingle 1000 times. I would get really annoying.
  


• Ty-D-Bol toilet bowl cleaner. Why not? I do not want to attend the Superbowl at the Ty-D-Bol.
  


• Uncle Jemima’s Mash Liquor. Ok, I got that from Saturday Night Live, but you gotta admit it’s funny.
  


• Always feminine hygiene pads. I am not against feminine hygiene pads or feminine hygiene, for that matter. But, football is a VIOLENT sport. And, let’s face it, the main audience is men. Just imagine a group of guys talking about their plans for the fall.
  
  Guy #1: I can’t wait for opening day!
  Guy #2: I KNOW! I heard the new “Always Maxi Pad Field” is amazing. Did you know it holds more people than ever before? They did a side by side comparison to a similar field.
  Guy #1: It also has a dome, so you know we’ll stay nice and dry.
  
  

That’s all I can come up with without talking about tampons and toilet paper. What product would you not want your favorite sports stadium named after?

My Jesus-colored glasses

Yesterday, I attended my grandfather’s funeral. He was 76 years old and had a short but intense battle with cancer. At the service, I shared some of my memories and experiences with him. It was he, after all, who helped shape me spiritually. As I looked at my family, I made a stark realization.
In church, we talk often about looking at the world through the filter of Jesus. What would Jesus Do? But, how do we, as God’s children, look at Jesus? What filter do we use?
To put it in context, consider a little girl in an impoverished area of Africa. She is 8 years old and has known only suffering her entire life. Both parents have died from AIDS or famine and it is only her and her 3 year old brother left to fend for themselves. Why this particular situation?
Pat Robertson of “The 700 Club” was posed this question: Would the above mentioned girl get into Heaven if she died even if she had never accepted Jesus as her personal saviour? His answer was disturbing. No. She would have to realize that Jesus is her saviour and God is her creator and be thankful for her lot in life.
Now, I am paraphrasing his response, but what exactly should she be thankful for? Should she be thankful she was born into extreme poverty? Perhaps she should be thankful for losing her parents so young…This is the same man that said the Haitian earthquake a few years ago was the result of a deal with the devil the Haitians made a couple of hundred years ago…I’m not making that up!
Our mission as Christians is to spread God’s word and exemplify love throughout the world. In his statements, Pat Robertson did neither. In one moment, he managed add to the growing number of unbelievers in America.
This is NOT Jesus. This is NOT God. I can not and do not believe that He who spoke the universe into being would tie up the grace and mercy Jesus died to give us in some ridiculous legalism. Isn’t that one of the things Jesus tried to change?
This is what I mean when I talk about the filter we use to look at Jesus. What are our life experiences, and how do they affect our relationship with God?
Coming back to the funeral, I listened to the minister speak of my Grandfather’s love for Jesus and how he was a student of the Bible. It’s a common funeral theme, really. I have been to many funerals where the minister speaks about how the deceased loved Jesus and he was at rest with the Son of God. I know of one funeral I attended where I knew, that was not the case.
In the coming weeks, I want to explore and discuss this idea of a particular life situation affecting and even controlling our relationship with God. I hope you join me, as this is a far cry from many of my previous posts. But, it is on my heart, and I would love to hear what you have to say, agreeing or disagreeing.

Grandpa Holstein

This is a picture of my Grandfather, Edwin J. Holstein, Sr. He went to be with Jesus early this morning after a long and painful battle with cancer. But, I will not remember this. I refuse to.
What I will remember are my memories with him.

1. I remember his love for hats. The bigger the better. No joke, he owned a took that was easily bigger than his head.
2. I remember he was an avid chess player and I often found myself "playing" him in chess. I use the term playing loosely because as someone who played him often, I am fairly certain he was cheating.
3. I remember that, once, he cut his knee open. Instead of going to the doctor, he simply found a needle and thread and sewed it up himself.
4. I remember his love for genealogy, especially as it concerned the Chippewa half of the Holstein family.
   
5. Everyone who knew him knew how he felt about them. He was not one to be coy or subtle. Sometimes he was brutally honest. But, I think it stemmed from his love for his family.
   
6. I remember his love of the family get-togethers we used to have, especially the hotel parties.
   
7. I remember his passion for Jesus and the Bible. He loved to share the story of his redemption and, ultimately, his salvation. But, he was also very honest about his past. In retrospect, it took a lot of courage on his part.
8. I remember mowing his lawn on Healy St. in Romeoville, Illinois. He would pay me five dollars, a fortune at the time.
   
9. I remember the greatest scam possibly in the history of scams! I was eleven years old, and he was bound and determined to lead me down a path with Jesus. But, with my family living in Indiana and his living in Illinois, the only time we could get together was when we visited. So, in the midst of all the chaos that comes with big family get togethers, he would take me to pizza hut. We would sit and talk about the Bible while we ate, and afterwords, he would give me five bucks. He loved to talk about the Bible, and I loved pizza, it was a win win. So whenever I would visit, I would start a conversation about Revelations, and we were off to Pizza Hut. It was because of him I chose to be baptized at thirteen. Fast forward 25 years: I have seven kids and a beautiful wife. We love our church and our family motto is Joshua 24:15 :

"And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

As I look back, I realize...Grandpa was a scam artist alright.

I am going to miss him. But, I take comfort in the fact that he is with Jesus now. And, I have a message for him:

Good bye, Grandpa. I love you and I can't wait to see you again. I'll bring the chessboard.

Random thoughts:

?!?

Penis Lifting Contest. I don't care who you are, those three words will grab your attention every times you glance over them. Such was the case as I perused the internet today.

The object is to use that part of your body and see just how much you can lift. Apprently there is a guy in the Phillippines that can lift a cinder block.

My question for you, my dear reader, is this: What are the circumstances in one's life where

1. He discovers this "talent"




2. He decides to practice this talent...daily




3. He decides to make this his life goal?

Am I wrong here? This ranks up there with the guy who decided to get a full body tattoo so he would like a zombie. Dude! What is that going to look like when you turn 80?

Toilets and Stuff

A few years ago, I was at work. I called home on my lunch to have my wife tell me that the toilet was plugged up. 'No bigs' I said. I will fix it when I get home. I got home that evening and, like a man, pulled up my pants, grabbed the toilet plunger, and prepared for battle.
I opened the lid to the toilet and looked in....Oh yeah, it was plugged. I jammed my weapon into mouth of evil and began to fight the battle of the bowl. It wasn't pretty. I shed all of the big three: blood, sweat, and tears. I eventually pulled the toilet off of its place on the floor and took the fight outside. Armed with a garden hose and gumption, I was determined to defeat this Evil. It was a messy and unpleasant job and I had to shower twice, but I won!
I thought about this today as I was thinking about something Pastor Sam said on our Christmas Eve service. "God is not afraid to step into your mess!"
I know how I felt coming home that night. I was not looking forward to putting my hands into that toilet. Part of me was afraid that I either couldn't do it or that I would break the toilet. But, I HAD to do it!
That's not God! Not only is He NOT afraid, He WANTS to step into our mess. He loves it, because, often times, it is when we are buried in our own mess that we come to Him more!
I don't regularly write serious (OK, semi-serious) posts, but I really felt the need to write this one.

Conversations with my Cat

Today at lunch I had teh priviledge to talk to my daughter, Melody. I am not sure what happened, but at some point during the conversation, I realized I was talking to the cat.
Melody, in her genius, was able to translate the complicated hieroglyphs and nuances that are the cat language. For an outsider looking in, this is what the conversation sounded like:
Me: So Melody, are you watching Nora? (name changed to prevent copyright infringement)
Melody: Butterscotch wants to hi
Me: OK
silence
Butterscotch: (doing a perfect imitation of Melody) meow
I had no idea what this cat was trying to say to me. But clearly, Butterscotch had something to say. So, I used the google language translator, and here, now, is the translated conversation:
Me: So Melody, are you watching Nora? (name changed to prevent copyright infringement)
Melody: Butterscotch wants to hi
Me: OK
silence
Butterscotch: (translated) I think Newt Gingrich needs to lay off the Twinkies and Mitt Romney is a handsome man. However, my vote, now and forever, will be for Beverly, the crazy cat lady that lives down the street from us. She will put Americans back to work in the kitty litter factories and force fat cat CEO's to spread the money around. She will restore the worlds opinion of the USA through our international work with UNICAT. And, finally, she will make sure there is a bird on every tree and a fish in every pot in every home in America.
I was blown away. I couldn't believe it! My cat is a socialist! All this time I thought Butterscotch was just an annoying kitten who attacked my feet and lived to cause my older cat, Tiger, to hate youth. I had no idea he was a community organizer.
This is why I hate cats! They don't listen to facts, they just listen to what the "drive-by media" has to say and take it as gospel truth! I think we all know where he gets this crap from...my wife!
All of this fits nicely into the animal conspiracy. You know, the notion that animals are secretly plotting to overtake human kind.
Don't believe me? Let me ask you this...Who cleans up whose poop? I rest my case...